The University System of Georgia cancels April Fools Day

There's a war on humor. It's getting increasingly difficult to make jokes about anything anymore. And no, I'm not talking about the "slap heard around the world," which, ironically, until this week, referred to a famous scene from In the Heat of the Night. That film starred Sidney Poitier who was the first Black man to be awarded the Oscar for Best Actor. Aaaand, here we are.

I'm talking about this sort of thing:

The University System of Georgia (USG) recently circulated a memo to their 26 campuses which stated that all Georgia Colleges and Universities should refrain from making any April Fools jokes using state resources. The rationale is twofold. On one hand, it aligns with the USG "No Risk" policy since April Fools jokes might offend someone. Also, they point out that the new USG Chancellor starts work on April 1, and the Board of Regents is worried that people might think that's a joke.

Canceling April Fools Day really hurts college students. "Now I don't know what to do with all this plastic wrap that I was going to use to seal my roommate in the bathroom," said Wayne Kerr, a junior majoring in Psychopathy. But that's not the worst of it. The war on humor is also being fought in our K-12 schools.

As reported on local news station WFRT in Kentucky, "A 7th grader passed gas in their Social Studies class last week. All the other kids scooted their chairs away and started laughing and holding their noses. The farting child was obviously embarrassed, and their parents complained to the principal, Hugh Janus, claiming that the whole event was a violation of the zero-tolerance anti-bullying policy."

As a result, the entire middle school is now a No Farting Zone, complete with signs in the halls. The school initially tried to make a rule that just said "No laughing at farts" but it proved to be impossible to enforce.

Canceling April Fools Day will also hurt the economy, according to research published in the International Journal of Things that Suck. The author, Dr. Anita Bath, points out that rubber insect futures are already down 17% after the announcement! And let's not overlook the impact on public health, since even the CDC has come out against humor:

Perhaps there's just so much going on in the world right now, that humor and laughter are becoming extinct, like the endangered species of snakes that live in cans of fancy, salted, mixed nuts. It actually sort of makes sense. Charlie Brooker, the creator of the popular Netflix series Black Mirror, has suggested that he was thinking about not making any further episodes since the world is dystopian enough in real life.

And so dear readers, it is bittersweet for me to officially announce that I, Dr. Loof Lirpa, will be retiring. This will be the last of my annual posts. I am certain that, whatever I end up doing, it will be like my Educational Disruption blog: 100% humorless. I look forward to spending 500 hours a day avoiding exaggeration. Will I get tied up in puns? Knot likely. Plus, I'm super excited about avoiding all sarcasm. Don't worry, we can still celebrate April 1 without humor since it is National Sourdough Bread Day, and that's no joke!